Boys in the Outback

phonedatingSometimes people get sick of the same old same old. It’s like Selena Gomez has been saying “I’m so sick of that same old love”. And even if you’re not Justin Bieber, you might feel hurt if your girl said that to you, but hey, it’s a reality. Like my Sicilian grandfather used to say when we asked him why he was a philanderer–, I don’t want to eat spaghetti every night, can’t I eat lasagna once in a while?

Or maybe you are sick of the same old animal porn, like girl has sex with marine mammal or fat Greek and Scottish draught horse get it on. I mean, after a while, how many farmer flicks can you watch in one night?

So why not try an adult phone chat? Phone chats are just as clean as movies, after all you can’t get AIDS from a conversation and you can have just as much fun, maybe more. Sure, it gets expensive, some of these girls are real entrepreneurs, they go on Skype fishing for suckers and run up their credit cards while their kids are playing X Box or whatnot. But it’s cheaper than a hotel room and a bottle of champagne, right? And if you’re a public figure, it’s the way to go. Bill Clinton would have been a lot better off meeting Monica over the phone.

You can also do crazy zany stunts on the phone that you probably wouldn’t have the guts to pull off in person. Music comes to mind. For example, if you’re having a boys in the hood party why not whip out your kazoos and serenade the poor lass with a rousing chorus of your favorite drinking song? (I recommend Celebrated Working Man, it’s really fun to play on the Kazoo and nothing spices up a phone chat like music) This is a really great way to let off steam, you can impersonate anybody you want, and she’ll never know what you look like.

Some people are more comfortable with avatars and sex toys, but phone chats are in a league all their own. They provide the opportunity for creative interaction that would not be possible utilizing other media. It’s safe for the girl, too, I mean, she doesn’t have to worry about being assaulted, drugged or otherwise mistreated. In fact, in many ways, phone chats are one of the best things for a lonely guy to do. It’s so much more interesting than reading Dante’s Inferno or watching The Big White. So for a good time, call 1-800-dial a Sheila.

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Boys in the Outback, 5.3 out of 10 based on 9 ratings